STEEL PANTHER – LOWER THE BAR
Release: Mar 24, 2017
℗ 2017 Steel Panther, Inc
- Goin’ in the Backdoor
- Anything Goes
- Poontang Boomerang
- That’s When You Came In
- Wrong Side of the Tracks (Out in Beverly Hills)
- Now the Fun Starts
- Pussy Ain’t Free
- Wasted Too Much Time
- I Got What You Want
- Walk of Shame
- She’s Tight
The news of a new Steel Panther album brings about one certain reaction at very least, namely the expansive grin of pants bursting glee and the arrival of Lower The Bar is no exception to this well established rule.
But with the arrival of the latest instalment from our esteemed pussy pounding protagonists or perhaps more appropriately, the spandex clad alter egos of four very clever and talented men, comes a stark and quite poignant realisation, namely an additional dimension. I realise this observation is ventures in one direction and about faces toward the opposite polar extreme, but I humbly off that as my initial stunned reaction to this collection. I don’t wish to sound like a fly on the studio wall but I can’t help feeling that our beloved Steel Panther have slapped down their lyrics (or dicks) on the table in front of the magnificent Jay Ruston and said ‘lets kick this up a notch’. Now I freely confess to being an avid fanther, so please don’t seek too much objectivity. All You Can Eat, followed by further insights into the life of a panther, along with Lexxy’s mom and her expansive garage, were individually tremendous and together, a very clever lead up to this latest release.
Those who are hoping for a fulsome instalment of filth from our orifice obliterating orators will not be disappointed as the expected staple of dripping, oozing, entering, ravishing, rashes and soothing ointments and is as up and hard (or dare I say in your face) as ever before.
Previous releases from Steel Panther have focused primarily on the lyrical content accompanied by some damn fine metal music, but this album genuinely has a different feel. It is my firm belief that Steel Panther have decided to show a little more of their musical genius without leaving their traditional comical and obscene subject matter behind.
Fortunately, the elderly are left to rest post gangbang and have none of the less savory realities of the retirement home exposed with insatiable aged sexual appetites locked behind closed doors. But fear not because we are still treated to songs of fanciful cerebral wandering like the opener, clearly a song about a visit to the ice cream shop via the alternate entrance. But after the dipping of nuts into chocolate and before long we are on our way to the world of ‘no holds barred’ in Anything Goes. Both tracks testament to the mastery of Steel Panther musically, lyrically and creatively. I thought there is surely a limit to how much fun can be drawn from the realities of human sexuality, but this is of course the masters at work in Steel Panther and there are no labia licking lunging limits. I must admit that Anything Goes is an amazing frolic through the fanciful fields of possibility and I am left carefully considering the advantages of painting my cock like a barber pole, but I think I will take the next line under advisement. I would advise that all refrain from taking a GoPro to a Steel Panther gig, lest ye suffer the indignity of a public display of experimental photography.
We are in Australia are particularly flattered by the inclusion of reference to a traditional hunting weapon of our indigenous people, more specifically the properties of the device when, after being thrown away, returns to the thrower with similar velocity and ferocity. Sadly, the poontang boomerang is by no means native, or limited to land down under and the phenomenon is known all too well globe over. But this is yet another example of our champions of moral responsibility, leading the charge to rectification through education. It is only the lads from Steel Panther who are willing to address these issues and raise awareness so young dudes are forewarned of such evils lying in wait with baited breasts.
Well established is That’s When You Came In as a beautiful and moving ballad of love, delivered in fabulous oral form. Additionally Satchel gets up to his neck in it with some brilliant guitar enhancements.
Wrong Side Of The Tracks (Out In Beverley Hills) is one of those rip roaring Steel Panther tracks that has you longing for the next time you can see them live, although expect a dose of guild as we consider the poor unfortunate subject in this tale of grievous misfortune. But the music, oh god the music….WOW! By now this album has you sans inhibitions and helpless to resist its relentless lewd advances. You will also be vaginall… vulvally …violated…vindicated that you have wisely invested in yet another album from Steel Panther that will never be left undisturbed long enough for dust to settle.
I find that it is always moving when musicians find the courage to open their hearts and most private pain to the masses and Wasted Too Much Time is no exception. To know that Steel Panther have too borne the brunt of unrequited love and carry the scars makes us feel a certain compassion and even camaraderie. But not for long.
I Got What You Want is a little frightening for most dudes and, truth be known, moderately emasculating but fear not. We can feign indifference and sing it in the garage like we are Michael Starr, but sooner or later we must go to a Steel Panther show with our lady and the truth will to too difficult to bear. The raw unadulterated fact that most are powerless to resist the power of the panther and the boys need simply glance at their prey with a glimpse of desire to complete the attraction. Many is the man who has shuffled along the lonely road home post gig knowing that their significant other is significantly more interested in a panther pounding than post gig pizza. They are all that we long to be and have all that we want to have. Yet through the distortion of testosterone and over confidence, we take her on our arm to the stage like a lamb among the wolves, or rather a cougar amongst the college dorm, and witness in horror the metamorphosis.
Not to be confused with previous tracks of the same name of a more upbeat and whimsical nature, Steel Panther put the dripping, oozing, filth and stank back into the Walk Of Shame. I’ll say no more.
She’s Tight is an utterly sensational way to complete the latest collection from Steel Panther. A brilliant version of the Cheap Trick (not slut) classic and with the contribution of Robin Zander himself, although I was a little relieved to see Stix was left to drum with too many sticks rather than Satchel asked to manage 5 necks Rick Nielsen style.
With more peaks than the Rocky’s, more hooks than a fleet of long liners and more appeal than an order going to Shady Oak Drive, Lower The Bar is not only brilliantly appealing but also a clever play on words. Lowering the bar is the opposite to what Steel Panther have done. Just when you thought they could not possibly produce anything finer that their previous releases, they fire into 2017 with something truly sensational. This album provides credence to the widely-held claim that Steel Panther are the true masters of music, mirth and unrestrained obscenity. Not only is this collection a clever progression for Steel Panther but hold every ounce of the appeal within the covers of their previous works. Building on their strengths and showing us just a little of what is yet to cum come, Steel Panther provide welcome relief that they are a long way from finished and I have a sneaking suspicion that we ain’t seen nothin’ yet. Parodies and pussies to one side, this album provides an insight into what this tremendous band are capable of without losing an ounce of their traditional appeal.